A little while ago a colleague and close friend of mine told me that she’d just completed a ‘love bombing’ weekend with her 10 year old daughter. “A what?” I replied, wondering whether she’d been on some kind of new age camping trip. Of course it was nothing of the sort, and my bemusement soon morphed into curiosity as she explained that the idea had come from a book by the Psychologist Oliver James. Knowing that my friend would never recommend a duff book, and given that she has read almost every psychology book going, I took the liberty of ordering myself a copy online. I was immediately hooked, and now I’m seeing the fruits of ‘love bombing’ both in my work as a psychologist, and as a parent.
Love Bombing
So what is it? Simply put, ‘Love bombing’ means giving your child an intensive experience of being loved and in control (an idea developed by Oliver James). This can be for a few hours, a day, or a whole weekend. During this time the child, rather than the adult, is responsible for setting the activities/agenda. Consequently they have the novel and empowering experience of being completely in control and being gratified (within reasonable practical and financial limits of course!). Ideally, love bombing sessions should be between one parent and one child. During the activities the parent, through words and behaviour, constantly illustrates how much they unconditionally love their child. This demonstrates to the child that their own behaviour (past, present and future) has no bearing on the parent’s love or commitment to them.
