How can we help our children back to school? As a parent and educational psychologist with over 20 years’ experience, I’ve seen how the new school year can bring changes to familiar friendships, teacher relationships and daily routines. These issues can stir up children’s school-related worries, ‘what-if’ anxiety and other difficult feelings and behaviour.
Becoming More “WRAPI”
The good news? Our attitudes and actions as parents matter more than we may think. W is for warmth and affection.
We can remind our children we love them through our encouraging actions and words when leaving for school. We can also create a calm, comforting place for them to land when they arrive home.
These approaches help reduce stress in our children’s minds and bodies, building resilience which can last into midlife.
R stands for our responsiveness to their distress. For children who struggle to put their feelings into words, we need to tune in to their body language even more than to what they say.
They may ask, or struggle to ask, “What if I get lost?” or “What if no one talks to me at lunch time?”. We can accept and name the fact that big feelings often go with big changes without rushing in to fix things.
This approach builds not only our child’s ability to cope with difficult feelings but also their empathy for others.
A is for autonomy support. It’s about helping them balance exploring what they can do for themselves while knowing they can still rely on us when needed.
One classic way to do this is by involving our children in shopping for back-to-school supplies. Smaller, daily choices help too, like giving them some choice about their morning routine and the first activity they do when they get home, within the safe limits we set.
This support for balanced autonomy can boost their academic motivation and reduce their worries.
P is for proactive teaching and involvement. Our active participation in their activities acts as temporary ‘scaffolding’ for our children to develop good habits.
We can do dry runs of the new school route, cycling to their school with them at weekends and practice how to use combination locks. We can work with them to create an organised home study space.
These approaches strengthen our children’s ‘executive skills’ like planning, making decisions and managing information. They can also help reduce problem behaviours like excessive screen use during less settled times.
Lastly, ‘I’ is for indirect warmth. We can notice their unspoken practical needs, give them our devoted presence (for children, love is spelled “T-I-M-E”) and make our homes, especially shared living areas, a sanctuary that reflects their interests and activities.
We can quietly handle background logistics like playdates with friends or birthday outings for teenagers, so our children feel more secure and loved.
The underlying work is done by their ‘executive skills’. But our active steps to prepare, coupled with parental warmth, cushion the impact of change-induced big feelings and behaviour challenges.
Although they may disagree, our teenagers need us more than ever to help them connect with others, become confident in their skills and make their own good choices.
When parents work together as a supportive team, whether in one home or between two, it helps ease the sway of school and family stress.
Where does this leave us? Let’s remind ourselves that transitions take time. Small, daily doses of ‘WRAPI’ work better than big gestures. We matter more than we (or they) think we do.
When to seek extra help
If school anxiety or adjustment difficulties continue beyond the first few weeks for your child, you are very welcome to get in touch.
You can reach me through The Purple House Clinics Nottingham or Lincoln, where I work as an associate Practitioner & Educational Psychologist.
This general advice is not a substitute for individual consultation with a relevant professional. If you are uncertain, please seek expert guidance.